I Want to Be..

Early December 2006, a conversation between me and my daughter, Michaela.

Michaela: Mama, when I grow up, i just want to ride horses.

Are you sure you want that? It would involve a lot of things, not only riding.

Michaela: I know I need to clean them and feed them and groom them. Or a nurse. I think I would love to be a nurse. So I can hold the hands of kids who must give blood to be tested.

Are you sure?

Michaela: Yes. And I would also love to be, hhmmm. Could I be both?

If you want to be. But what is important is that you would love what you do because then you can do it better.

Michaela: Ok.

And now, we must wait and see as she is just turned five. Plus the fact that though she loves to ride horses, she's still a bit afraid of them. And she hates the smell of horse stalls. As for being a nurse, that was led, I believe; from her almost daily visits to the hospital last December. A daily visit that always includes blood tests.

The Birds and the Bees

Michaela, a few days before her fifth birthday, asked me the the most interestingly tickling question.

Mama, how are babies made?

Nope, it didn't caught me in surprise me as a few weeks before, I was reading a lot of books esp. Chicken Soup books that tackle the same subject, the surprising answers and the shocked silences of parents caught unaware. But still, I didn't know how to formulate the right words to give her a satisying answer.

We were lying in bed with her two year old sister when the question came up. So I told her that when Mama and Papa love each other, then they also want to have a baby to share their love. So that they in turn would love each other so much, and then the Mama would get pregnant.

Nope, she didn't accept it as that. Because she protested and said, 'Oh, but they need to get married first!' Where she got this idea, I don't really know. Of course, I told her, she's right. I didn't try to explain that that is not always the case. Case in point is her Mama. But she doesn't question this as all over the house are our wedding photos, with me, very pregnant. Wedding and pregnancy at the same time is ok for her. At least at this time, I have time to prepare for the other questions later!

And another question which really caught me, 'Mama, where did I come from? From the stomache or from down there?' So I have to ask her back, where are you getting these things from? Of course, in kindergarten, from her playmates there.

Ah ok. Then it is a simple question, with a simple answer. Those Mamas that underwent caesarian surgery mean the babies came from the stomache, and those that had normal birth, then their babies came from down there. Oh please, I begged in silence, no more questions.

Then came a plea from our two year old, Isabela. 'But Mommy, I want a little boy.' Huh, a little boy? I told she must ask her Papa. So she scrambled from bed and shouted to her Papa - 'Papa, I want a little boy.'

And the Papa, after a surprised little pause, shouted back, 'Ok, Papa will buy you a little boy tomorrow.' And Michaela, who wouldn't want to be outdone wanted one, too. But a real one, she emphasized. Oops, it's time to go to bed girls!!!

Or else no real baby boys coming... :-)

Schumacher at Alonso

(Photo: Brrm, brrmmm!)

Formula One sports. Paboritong panoorin yan ng asawa ko. Kasi nga dati syang car race driver. Yung pagharurot ng kotse, yung ingay ng makina. Type nya yan. Dati talagang sinusundan nya yan. Kahit saan pa man dulo ng mundo ang race, tatayo yan sa madaling araw para lang makapanood. Kasehodang dalawang araw ang tutok sa tv -- Sabado at Linggo. Training hanggang sa race na. Pero magmula nung nagka-anak, di na nya matutukan. Yung mga bata naman ngayon ang tumutok.

May bagong race din sa bahay. Kasi ang dalawang nangunguna sa Formula One - Schumacher at Alonso. Itong si Schumacher, ang first name nya - Michael. Etong panganay namin, Michaela naman. So magkatunog, except sa huling syllable. Pero itong si Isabela, ang aming bunso, nagtataka ngayon. Bakit daw Michael(a) Schumacher lang ang naririnig nyang nababanggit. Bakit pangalan lang ng ate nya, pano naman daw sya? Kaya everytime na maririnig nya sa radio or sa tv yung Michael(a) Schumacher -- hihirit din siya ng Isabela? Isabela, Isabela, Isabela. Patanong na pasigaw. Basta, gusto nya rin marinig ang pangalan nya.

Kaya ang sabi ng papa nya, gusto mo ikaw si Isabela Alonso. Kahit pa Fernando Alonso talaga sya. Kaya ngayon, kapag naririnig namin ang pangalan ni Alonso, hirit kami agad ng Isabela Alonso para naman kasali din sya. So ayan ang bagong Formula One drivers sa bahay namin.

Pero teka, di pa tapos. Kasi kahapon football naman ang naabutan ng mga bata sa sports news. Si Michael(a) Ballack naman ngayon. E ang hirit na naman ng bunso ko, asan daw si Isabela Ballack. Ang tawa namin talaga. Edi ngayon, tanong ko sa kanya, type mo bang maging Isabela Klose? Ay, ewan ko...

Blind Dates

Sa dami ng drama ko sa buhay, yung mga blind dates ko ang di ko malilimutan. Sempre umpisa eh searching. Searching for friends na merong friends na meron din friends na available and able and wannables.

Umpisa yung officemate nung barkada ko. Nagkita kami sa loob ng Mercury Drug. Ewan ko kung bakit dun ko napili. Siguro kasi ang alternative na meeting place eh ang talipapa!! (At least mas konti tao sa MD, kahit baduy) Di ko sya kilala, di nya ako kilala. Blind date nga e. Pero dahil sa description (may kotse, top sales performer, mabait) -- ready ako. E pano kami nagkita? Intuition. Atsaka sya lang kasi yung mukhang matino na pumasok sa MD nung oras na yon. It was a dinner date sa isang diner sa Makati Ave. Ang masarap, pareho pa kaming may take out. Sempre, mas malaki ang supot ko! Kaso mo walang music in the air. Pero dahil okay naman sya, naipasa ko sya sa iba!

Super nangungulit na mama naman ang sumunod. Yan ang tumpak na description. Kasi daw kesyo nakita na daw nya ako sa office grounds at tinamaan sya ng lintek na kupido. Kumbaga, one sided blind date. Ka officemate sya nung asawa nung officemate ko. Gets nyo? Sinundo naman nya ako after office hours sa opisina. Kwentuhan kami sabay iwas sa mga rumaragasang jeepney, bus, side car at tricycle. Kasi naglakas kami papuntang Shangri-la Plaza. Sosy ano? Pero ang bagsak namin, sa food court!Nyahaha! Kasi type ko mag Japanese food. E ang hunghang, di kaya ang raw food. Actually nung kinuha ko na yung food tray ko, gusto ko syang pagtaguan. Bayad na naman nya e. Cruel, huh! After eating, sabi ko uwi na kami. Gusto pa nya akong ihatid sa bus stop. E mas type ko syang ihatid sa bus stop nya ano. Kaya bigla akong nag disappearing act. Am sure until now hinahanap pa rin nya ako :-)

Ang third act of my blind date scenario. Friend sya nung pinsan ng aking officemate. Gets nyo ulit? Nagkausap naman kami one time on the phone. To arrange the blind date. Meaning, phone pal na ba kami ng ganun? Nahuli ko kiliti nya. Kasi napatawa ko sya in a few minutes na nagchika kami sa phone. Hmm! Nagkita kami sa bahay nung pinsan ng officemate ko na friend nga nya. Di ko na ma-alala kung saan kami nagpunta at kung ano ang ginawa namin nung gabing yon. Ang na-alala ko lang -- isang gabing maulan. May kumatok sa pintuan. Surprise, my blind date is not a blind date anymore. Matapos na tulungan ko syang punasan ang kotse nya (men and cars, huh!), medyo nagka-igihan kaming dalawa. Igihan daw oh! Naging regular ang pagkikita namin. No commitment baga. Ouch! Mabuti na lang din. Kasi I had to leave the country, and leave him behind, too. I got one letter, one or two calls. Tapos ang maligayang araw.

Pero tuloy pa rin blind date. This time, former officemate ng officemate ko. Pinuntahan nya ako sa office. And I remember, he gave me a huge bar of chocolate. He scored a point kasi yung mga ganong kalaking choco bar eh kasama sa mga list of things I wanted to buy but I cannot. For one reason or reason or other (the other meaning, mahal kasi sya). Medyo napamahal sya agad sa akin lalo na nung nakita ko yung sports car nya. Kaya lang, yung laki ng bar ng choco nya, yun naman ang liit nya. Naku, sabi ko, kahit anong bait pa nito, no way. Baka matapakan lang kami ng mga taong asa paligid namin ano. So despite the fact that I am very much tempted because of a promise of more chocolates to come, tigok din sya.

Ngayon naman, ang Bangkok version. Wala talaga akong dala ano? Isa syang customer ng aking supervisor sa Thailand. Sinundo din nya ako sa office, kahit na walang pasok. For the simple reason na, I don't want to take the risk of dating the wrong man. (As if naman, lahat nung blind dates ko right men). So he came, I saw and I almost run away! Para kasing nakita ko yung replay nung last blind date ko sa Pinas. Like a bad dream I can't get out of. Kasi naman, mas maliit pa kamo sa akin. I cannot run away kasi walang back door yung office namin. I cannot pretend na di ako yung hanap nya kasi ako lang tao sa opisina. At ayoko namang i-cancel kasi sayang naman yung dinner, hahaha!! Off we go. Dinner, I simply love Thai food. Tapos a plus, a movie! Nope, I don't remember the title and even the story. Kasi naman singhot ng singhot yung katabi ko ano. He's crying over the movie. Ayan tuloy, na guilty ako. Kaya sabi ko sa kanya, I will give him a ride of a lifetime. Iniwan nya yung kotse nya at for the first time, nag MRT sya. Say nyo? Enjoy naman si mokong na mag balikan using the trains of Bangkok. Pero too long time with him, naglaho na yung guilty feeling ko. Gusto ko na lang mapag-isa sa aking munting mundo sa Bangkok. At yun din ang nangyari.

Masarap talagang makipag mag blind date. Free dinner, and free entertainment pa. Plus lessons learned. What lessons, kayo ng bahala. Ngayon, di na ko pwede mag blind date kasi yung huling naka blind date ko e with both eyes closed akong pinakasalan!

Kinabukasan (28 Sept 2006)

Ay, walang aray!
Mabuti na lang
Kasi naman
Sabi nung doktor
Mga isang oras daw
Talagang napalunok
At medyo napaurong
Pero andyan na nga
Ituloy na
Pero walang kaba
Pati ako nagtataka
Higa sa table
Antay sa doktor
Natapos ng ilang minuto
Parang wala
Pero meron
Buti na lang
Natapos syang
Walang aray!

Bukas (27 Sept 2006)

Para bukas,
may konting kaba.
Kasi bukas,
minor surgery daw.
Parang kagat na langgam na turok.
Konting tabas, konting gupit.
Maliit na tahi.
Aray ko.
Kasi naman, pwede namang iwan
Kaso mo naman, nakakailang
Ayan, biglaan
Walang oras pag-isipan
Nagtanong, nagdesisyon
Pumirma
Ang balik bukas
Ngayon lang pumasok
Konting kaba, konting tanong
Tama nga ba
Bakit nga ba
Huwag na kaya?
Hay, sige na nga.
Kaya natin to
Kahit kakabakaba.

Unbraid my Tongue

Ako ay Pilipino. Marunong mag Tagalog, nakakaintindi ng Bisaya (Nanay ko), sanay mag English. At sempre, mas sanay mag Taglish at mag Englog. Meron din akong influence ng badinggacions dahil I love my gay and happy friends, di bash!

Nung napunta ako ng Thailand for a short time, nakahagip ng konting Pasa Thai. Nung bumalik ako ulit ng Thailand at medyo nagtagal, natuto na talaga akong mag Pasa Thai. Minsan nga akala nila, Thai ako talaga dahil sa galing kong mag emote. Dahil akala ko rin, Thai ako, nagpumilit din akong mag-aral ng nakakabaliw na more than 40 alphabets nila. Natuto rin akong mag sulat, ng aking pangalan. At magbasa, nung script na SILOM. Kasi yun yung nakalagay sa van na dapat kong sakyan going to and from my office. Survival lang, ganon.

Tapos, nakarating ng Germany. Nag aral ng intensive German language course for one sem. At nag-aral ulit ng not so intensive German course for two sems. Okay naman ang Deutsch. Okay sa hirap! Dapat mong kalimutan ang English mo. Kasi iba talaga sila, sentence structure, etc. Halos mas pareho ng Pasa Thai. Alien type.

May kaibigan akong Pinay, dati rin sya sa Bangkok. Kapag nauusap kami, halo-halo, labo-labong German, Tagalog, Thai at English. Pati kami nababaliw. Buti na lang nagkaka-intindihan kami. Dati, kapag may i inquire ako sa telepono, itatanong ko muna - Can you speak English? Pag sinabi na - yes! Naku, super happy ako nyan. Pero sa sobrang happy ko, di naman ako makasalita ng deretsong English, mas maraming lumalabas na Deutsch words. Ang asawa ko, tawa lang ng tawa. Eh kung sya kaya pag inglisin ko, hmp!

Akala mo ba ngayon e sanay na ako? Sanay na ano? Ngayong meron akong dalawang anak na super daldal, mas nabaluktok ang dila ko. Gusto ko kasi matuto sila mag English at mag Tagalog, aside from the German language. Ang resulta, sa mga bata okay lang, pero sa dila ko? Di ko alam kung kelan ko matatanggal ang pagka braid nya.

Seeing Myself

I saw myself last night and I didn't like it at all. It started innocently. While bathing my daughter Michaela, she asked me not to rub off the glitters on her cheeks. I said yes. But as she was washing her hair with much enthusiasm, she rubbed away all the glitters herself. The end was not good. Coz when she looked in the mirror and saw her face without glitters, she flipped out! An explosion of words. Blaming me. She was really angry. And too tired to control her emotions. And me? I was surprisingly calm, despite being tired. But this time, am not using exhaustion as an excuse to scream back, to lay down rules, to threaten. I just simply said sorry. And that I love her. Why? Because I saw myself in her.

Bedtime Questions

Sometimes I look forward for the silence that the night would bring. Then again, sometimes, I don't. Especially when the questions from the kids came pouring down. I find them so amazing and a bit overwhelming. Even though I am just eavesdropping. A simple one thrown by Isabela (2) to her Papa:

Isabela - "Papa, do the stars go down?" A pity that I didn't get to hear Papa's answer. I am sure it would have been interesting, hmm. I gotta ask him.

And then from nowhere, came a downpour of questions for Papa from Michaela (4):

Michaela: Why does Jesus bleeds?

Papa: It is a long story, you'll learn about it later in life.

Michaela: Why is it a long story?

Papa: It is a long story because it involves a lot of people and the whole world, too.

Michaela: Is He true?

Papa: Yes.

Michaela: Where is He buried?

Papa: Far away.

Michaela: Can we go to His burial site?

Papa: Yes, when you are older, you can go there.

Michaela: Is He not in the cemetery?

Papa: No.

Michaela: Papa, do you know why I want to go to see Him? Because I would like to give him a heart with my name of it so that He would know me.