The videos and photos of the earthquake and the tsunami and the nuclear crisis in Japan are shocking and overwhelming. But still, I couldnt help but sit still and listen to the news on the radio; turn on the television to watch everything, sometimes until the wee hours of the morning.
Even if the news channels would repeatedly feature the ghastly images during the time of the destruction, I am glued on and repeatedly feel mixed emotions: shock, fear, pain, disbelief, acceptance and sometimes, calmness, too. But I also hurt everytime I hear a story about parents looking for their kids, especially the video of one man shouting his son's name in the rubble. That would always bring tears in my eyes.
What could we do just in case, something like that would happen to us? To be frank? I dont know. But as a believer, I know that prayers would help.
Yet sometimes I do panic. Should I start collecting candles and asking the priests to bless them? Should I start filling in plastic containers for blessed water to keep around the house? Should I collect all our religious figures and rosaries and have them be blessed just to be sure? Should I start going to the church every first Friday, and every Sunday at that? And I figured, maybe we would be blessed with survival because I have been praying the rosary almost everday. Those are my first thoughts just because I am raised to believe.
I admit to being practical, too. I would unconsciously run through our cupboard and the freezer, and would think about hoarding basic necessities such as water and non-perishable goods. In fact, I have also thought about buying goods that need not be cooked just in case electricity and gas would be rationed. Then I would shake my head and console myself and tried to be contented with just having enough for the whole week, the whole week for now.
Oh, didnt I tell you that my husband could just be one of the victims of Chernobyl? That day in 1986, since almost no information was given out and it was said that it is safe for the German people to move about as there would be no affect from radiation, he was working in the garden. He remembed that it rained that day yet he continued working outside. Is he a victim? He isnt sure yet some people who we talked to said they have throat problems, in fact, most of them have been operated on and they blame Chernobyl. And they did say cancer is one of the result of nuclear radiation? And that the cancer would only appear years after being exposed to radiation? If that is so, my husband is indeed a victim. We just discovered that the Big C is now in our house.
By the way, the old nuclear power plant of Philippsburg in Germany, which has been shut down until further notice; could be seen from our windows. Should I really, really worry?
And how could I complain and rant and whine about the Big C invading our home when I am always confronted with what is happening to Japan?
I cannot complain because my family are with me, we have enough food, there is electricity, there's water, we have the freedom to move around and enjoy the fresh air.
That is why I sit still and listen to the radio and watch everything on television and whisper prayers. I talk to my family, bond with them and we comfort each other and hug them with prayers in my heart.
After that, I close my eyes and let go and pray -- for healing, for peace, unity, and love all over the world.
And I specially pray for the faceless 50, the power plant operators, who are working to save Japan from natural disaster; and yet exposing themselves to danger.