Saturday, December 5, 2009

Her Favorite Words Hurt

I hate all of you. I dont need you. You are all s***. You are making me crazy. You dont listen to me. You dont understand me. Leave me alone. I will not eat the whole day because... I will not drink the whole day because...You are to blame that I am this crazy. You just want to hurt me. You dont love me, etc.

My seven-year-old MC is going through a 'chaotic phase'; I would like to term it as such.

For the past weeks, she has been hurling words that are designed to sting. Words that are thrown out to irritate. Words that could hurt. Words that could create chaos.

She would come our spewing those words if we dont give in to what she wants; if she would be too sleepy to understand; if she wants to emphasize something; and I think, if she wants attention.

Of course, it was not easy to talk to her because when her tantrum starts; she would be screaming too loud, hitting everybody, running around, slamming doors. There would be no way to make her listen.

The first times, we tried talking calmly to her and then we almost matched her scream for scream; and caught all her slaps and kicks. But that didnt really do anybody good. We tried hugging her tight but she would wiggle herself out. And still, this kind of mood would continue. It has also terrorized her younger sister.

We have thought about bringing her to be checked; but then I stopped myself because with such thinking; I might also need to be checked, too.

But then we caught on. She needed attention. She needed to be told and shown that she is loved. She needed to be told that she is doing good. She needed to be shown that she is a big girl now. She needed us to be there. She needed to be shown that she is loved. Period.

Not because we have neglected her; but because she has already started to adjust to our new life here in the Philippines. Where there are babysitters, where there are drivers, where there are meetings here and there, where there are visitors coming in and out, where there are sometimes no time to play because...

When she would start flinging herself around these past days, we would simply let her be. Although we dont leave her alone. Someone is always there, watching her, listening to her, holding her.

When she's calmed down, then we would start talking to her. Then we would start listening to her. Then we would start playing with her. Then she would have all our attention. Then she would be as well behaved as if nothing happened.

It is better now. No more violence. No more hurting words. No more screaming matches.

We learned to be more patience. We have become better listeners. We have become better parents, we hope. But we are ready to learn more, to give more, and to love more.