Tuesday, April 1, 2008

How do you handle a lie?

We were getting ready to bed when I found something lying on the floor, in between the girls' toy boxes; it was a pair of pearl earring from me!

I already know who the culprit is, MC, who a day before rummaged into my jewelry box without my permission. I told her to bring the pair of earrings back and to never go through my things without permission. Well, she said she did and I believed her.

And last night, I learned the truth. She lied to me. She simply left the pair of earrings on the toy box, in the middle of their toys! I lost my temper. I told her to find the other pair of earring or else she would have to spend the night looking for it.

Well, I was really angry that in a few minutes, I told her to leave me alone to look for it. I wanted to calm down and at the same time, try to find the other pair. I found the earring, at the same time that I realized I was not angry because of the lost pair of earring but because I just discovered that MC didnt tell me the truth. And how it hurt!

MC came to me just as this realization slowly dawned on me. So I gave her a hug and told her that I was not angry because of the possible loss of the earring but because she lied to me. I told her it didnt feel good knowing that I trusted her to do the right thing; and yet she did another.

I asked her: 'Was telling a lie worth it?' She simply shook her head. I asked her to try to be truthful. I encouraged her to tell me the truth even if the truth would hurt, even if the truth would mean showing me a broken toy or a messy room; and if the truth would be too hard to say, she could always show me.

And yet I also tried to explain to her that pointing out and laughing at other's faces just because they look different is also not good. I hope she understand the difference between telling the truth and being subtle. Oh, but we could talk more about it later.

I simply have to share this because sometimes, we tend to focus on the material loss; before really knowing where the real feeling is coming from. I made a mistake by yelling at her for lying to me; but I apologized, as she did when everything became clearer to her, too. You see, material things could be replaced, but the hurt in my little girl's heart might be too deep to repair. I hope MC's heart would mend well this time. Or else I would need to offer to her that pair of earrings as a gift :)


Vk-mahalkaayo said...

yon, tama nga raqgold,

materials things makita or can be changed, pero pag nahurt ang bata or anybody, mahirap hindi makalimutan....right?

ito rin si kim ko, ay naku, laging crawling my things now, egal what...kasi pareho na kami ng sizes, shoes, dress except hose.
bags n schmuck din.....
minsan magalit din ako, kasi akala nya schmuck lang....

sabi ko rin, anything you get or lend or borrow,as what she always says, balik mo saan mo nakuha, kasi kung gamitin ko, wla na sa lugar nya, magalit si mama and she can´t borrow-lend or what....lol

thanks for sharing the stories....

Anonymous said...

napakahusay na ina pala ni mommy kengkz..yan ba yung kabday ko? sabihin mo wala sa ugali ng mga dec. 10 ipinanganak yung hindi nagsasabi ng totoo lol!

raqgold said...

vk - you know what, maliit pa nga lang sila they wanted na to make sure they would get my clothes and shoes and bags!!! basta as long as they know they needed permission to dig into my things and that they must properly tidy up after, it is ok with me.

manilenya - naligaw ka, hahaha. alam ko namang mababait ang may berdey ng dec 10 e, di ba :D

Anonymous said...

hi raq, cheers to you for making it clear to your daughter that lying is wrong. if it's any consolation all of us mommies will have or have had such a teachable moment with the kids :D ako rin, kelan lang, hehehe!

raqgold said...

lady cess - it is never easy but we need to do it, pati ako ilang beses na ring na reality bite thru the kids e :D

haze said...

Been there done that situation is always an explanation from us Mom! I just hope that they will understand our point and learn from it. I agree it's not for the things broken or missing but the attitude that make us angry!

ScroochChronicles said...

Between my 2 kids, si Adi ang may penchant for telling little lies. Not huge ones naman. Usually pointing her finger at someone else when asked who did what.

Sa amin it's the old Pinocchio story that works. Usually.

Si Gaby naman rarely lies. Totoo. Squealer nga even on herself. But when she does, we can talk to her na and explain the merits of telling the truth against telling lies.

Hmm, I just realized. Si Adi also loves going through my jewelry. She borrows too :)

raqgold said...

haze - it is really not easy; but we learn together.

cookie - sabi ko nga sa kanila, the truth would always come out e; either because somebody squealed or mama would find out :D anyway, i have separated the precious jewelries from the baubles --- just in case :D