IC's past behavior is really making me crazy. And I guess, my husband is also thinking about it, too, as he got hit with IC's whims this past weekend. So you know what he brought me a few days ago? A newspaper clipping on how to set rules with kids :D
How to set house rules with kids:
1. Get their attention and always make eye contact: IC mostly refuses to meet my eye. What would you do when your kid refuses to look at you? Be patient and wait. And when the tantrum or tempers are at play, try to find a separate corner to pause, before getting together again.
2. Speak quietly and with conviction: I always (try to) wait until I have calmed down; and until the kids have calmed down. And then I talk to them, trying to find and use words that would be simple to understand.
3. Avoid long discussions: I think this speaks for itself.
4. If you want the rules to be followed immediately, stay near your kids: Well, I dont stay near them, I let them know that I am within hearshot and they could call me if they needed to clear something up.
5. When the rules are followed, praise the kids: Let them know that they did right, it would make them feel better and feeling better would make them better remember to follow the rules.
6. When the rules are set, they should be followed by everybody including the grandparents, the relatives, everybody around the kids: I know, sometimes it would be very hard to keep the set rules if you have visitors, but talk to the kids and gently explain the rules to the other people concerned. If the kids know and follow the rules, others would simply follow, too. Just like in washing the hands, my kids would automatically head to the wash basin everytime they arrived from outside or before and after eating.
7. Avoid a long list of rules: Of course, the shorter the better. Be brief yet concise. Most of all, be firm. Always remind the kids of the rules.
How to set house rules with kids:
1. Get their attention and always make eye contact: IC mostly refuses to meet my eye. What would you do when your kid refuses to look at you? Be patient and wait. And when the tantrum or tempers are at play, try to find a separate corner to pause, before getting together again.
2. Speak quietly and with conviction: I always (try to) wait until I have calmed down; and until the kids have calmed down. And then I talk to them, trying to find and use words that would be simple to understand.
3. Avoid long discussions: I think this speaks for itself.
4. If you want the rules to be followed immediately, stay near your kids: Well, I dont stay near them, I let them know that I am within hearshot and they could call me if they needed to clear something up.
5. When the rules are followed, praise the kids: Let them know that they did right, it would make them feel better and feeling better would make them better remember to follow the rules.
6. When the rules are set, they should be followed by everybody including the grandparents, the relatives, everybody around the kids: I know, sometimes it would be very hard to keep the set rules if you have visitors, but talk to the kids and gently explain the rules to the other people concerned. If the kids know and follow the rules, others would simply follow, too. Just like in washing the hands, my kids would automatically head to the wash basin everytime they arrived from outside or before and after eating.
7. Avoid a long list of rules: Of course, the shorter the better. Be brief yet concise. Most of all, be firm. Always remind the kids of the rules.
Well, the last tip talks about finding professional help. I dont think I would need this for my kids. I would let them sail along on this phase because you see, I am also learning from their funny phases! Patience, I need patience.
4 comments:
Very helpful tips Raq. Thanks!
liza - not easy but we learn everday!
Great tips! I'm also particular of eye contact. When I'm telling him something and he nods but keeps watching the TV, I will turn off the TV. That gets his attention and after I'm contented that he has listened to what I have to say, I turn the TV back on.
rach - with IC, it is not that easy as she would not only cover her ears but her eyes, too. but when she calm down, we talk.
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