Thursday, August 30, 2007

I am a Proud Filipina Mom

This is not to brag but to confirm that being a mom gave me more confidence to be true to myself. And being true to myself, I discovered, felt sexier. It also allowed me to live a more comfortable life. No more hang-ups; no more questions on my incapacities. Because I know what I am and I love what I am.

But reaching this conclusion was not an easy task. Being a Filipina mom in Germany was not something I dreamed of. My dream was this: a family in Manila, a fulfilling career, sorrounded by my family and friends. But sometimes, impossible dreams do come through. And here I am.

A stranger in a strange land with an even stranger language. I had to cope up with a weird climate, different culture and what's that in my plate?? Then, while learning the language and getting to know the immediate family and immensing myself in the culture, I got pregnant. Everything stopped.

I concentrated on my body and my womb. I almost stopped learning the language. I let myself just float through the culture and I didnt care about the climate. When the baby came, I focused on being a mom and wife. It is like I am building my own island. I have my husband, my child, the immediate family, and that was that. Then came the second child. And I became more immensed in what was going on inside our household, than familiarizing myself with where I am.

Of course, the time came that I realized, there's another world. I know about it, but I refused to accept the need to go out and embrace my new life. I was too happy being a mom and wife! Then the kids left for kindergarten. My island is empty. I began to look for something to cling to. I became restless. I felt a bit insecure. I lost confident in my new language. And, should I work?

My husband was my hero in this matter. He told me, 'you dont need to work, but if you want to work, I am behind you.' Though he emphasized that he would rather that I stay at home at be with the kids; as the kids still needed me. I tried to look for some diversion, when what I really wanted to go back home and cuddle up with the familiar things of home. But the real turning point was that I discovered the Pinoy Moms Network. Reading through the site is like reading through my life. I can relate to almost everything! And just reading through the exchanges, I slipped from from being an iggitated mom, into a proud Filipina mom. I decided to be a mom living and loving her life.

I volunteered to teach playtime English in kindergarten. The response was great, from the kids to the parents and teachers. After a session, the kids were calling 'good mornings and goodbyes' already. Then I got a training grant from the local gymnastics club, to take over the gymnastics class for beginners; the directress just love it that I am always present with the kids; and always ready to lend a hand, when needed. I mean, how can I be so insecure about my mastery of the German language when all I really needed is to enjoy and everything would flow smoothly; even my Deutsch? I simply had to accept who I am.

And here comes my husband saying; 'you are the most beautiful mom because you are enjoying yourself as a mom, as a wife and as a woman now.' Indeed, I am a proud Filipina mom. I accept that!


Heart of Rachel said...

This is a wonderful post. Celebrating motherhood and highlighting the joys of being a lovely Filipina mom is something very admirable.

Unknown said...

I am touched with your entry . Such a loving mom and wife. I like that your husband is so supportive of you. It must be tough being far away from the land of your birth. I hope PMN somehow bridges that gap.

Lady Prism said...

What an inspiring story about courage! I could almost be there...feeling what you were with the world revolving around your family. It's a joy to know that you have pulled through and emerged strong. daringly Filipina I should say.

More power!

ScroochChronicles said...

Great post, Raquel!! As housewives we have a tendency to get wrapped up in our "small" world and we fail to see the larger universe just outside our doors. Not that it's a bad thing, it's just too limiting. I'm happy that you found yourself and I'm proud of you too :)

Anonymous said...

Such an inspiring post, Raq! It takes a while, doesn't it - the journey to one's self? I'm glad you are having fun with life. Hats off to you!

raqgold said...

rach - i just had to write it down!

noemi - my hubby's the best! and PMN's a treasure!

thanks lady luxie!

cookie -- am touched, thanks.

greymom - it's not simple but am confidently looking forward :-)

Anonymous said...

very inspiring, something the global Filipina should emulate. proud to be a Filipina indeed, proud to be a pinoy mom and wife!

Anonymous said...

hallo Raqgold,

thanks for sharing.....nice post but it is really true..

hey, you are not alone....i think, mostly of us here who got married with a german.

but we are lucky, we have a husband who are always with us, in our side, the time we needed him....

our kids, makes us happy and forget the things we left behind in the

But, eventhough i am a stay mom only, i am very happy and enjoy and satisfied being a Mutter.....plain Mutter...........

For me, Career is nothing, important for me is my Kids and my Mann...........My family....there is no other precious things in this world as my family.

Again, thanks for sharing.....


Liza on Maui said...

very well said raq! well done, and I am proud of you. Makes me proud to be a Filipina too :)