Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Temper

Photo: catsup stains on the ceiling -- the glaring evidence

Our kitchen ceiling has catsup stains. And I am guilty. Because I lost my temper and banged the nearest thing that I can grasp to vent my frustration (that was the catsup bottle). Then I left the kids in the kitchen while I tried to calm myself.

I know, it is too much. I am wrong. But sometimes, too much is already too much! I heard the kids conversing in the kitchen. MC trying to help her sister, IC, to clean up. I dont really know what disaster I left. I simply wanted to remove myself for fear of more flares. Then I heard this:

IC: Yeah, ate, we want a new mama? Okay? A very new mama. (Whimpering a bit)
MC: It's ok. It's ok.

They were shocked, I guess, but not as shocked as I was. Oh well, I dragged my feet back into the kitchen and apologized to the kids. I told them I was sorry and that I love them. But, they must also understand the cause of my temper, too. No need to say anything, they just came and cuddled up.

Then I asked them if they really wanted a new mama. Their eyes cannot meet mine. And I teasingly asked if I can also have new kids, too. They protested, as expected. I tried to make up to my loosing my temper by playing with them the whole afternoon.

The thing is, I cannot make it up to me. I am still a bit guilty, a few hours after washing off the stains on the ceiling. Am I a bad mama? I need to check if am growing a wart on my nose.

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